All my life, I’ve been an avid reader. From a very young age, I’ve been happiest passing hours getting lost in books and libraries, embracing, imagining all the various “what ifs” that the written word can present.
And it was at this early age that my Mother used my love of reading to teach me an important lesson: “Always finish what you’ve started,” she’d say, as I’d be contemplating bailing on a less-than-enthralling book.
It was an argument for the case of seeing things through.
Because you never know how things might turn out if you just hold on a little longer.
Yet as I find myself navigating life decades later, I can’t help but think that there’s a need to present the opposing view of this narrative. That there is great strength, great value in knowing when to walk away from something you’ve started.
That knowing when to turn the page is, in fact, a skill.
We are a society that places great pride in resiliency, a badge that has only gained more clout as we emerge from a global pandemic where we’ve applauded with much fanfare people’s ability to hold on. Yet what’s missing is real dialogue about what is at stake when we’re encouraging people to ignore their instincts to move on all in the name of the pursuit of seeing things through.
This struck me during a recent conversation with a dear friend who, after 30 years of running a successful business, choked back tears to tell me it was time to close his doors. A victim of the pandemic in every sense, he had weighed out what would be required from him to hold on, ultimately deciding the cost – to his health, his family and his finances – would be too much.
“You’ve got to know when to fold ‘em,” he said to me.
And I thought to myself, never have those words been more profound.
This is not bailing. It is not giving up. Nor is it not having the strength/willpower/capacity – or yes, resiliency – to push through. This is actually quite the contrary, as shoving your ego and need to prove aside in order to do what’s best for YOU takes more strength/willpower/capacity than most ever execute.
Personally, as I look back at my life, I see the biggest accomplishments, the most fulfilling transitions were initiated by walking *away* from something else. And perhaps not surprisingly, in each of these instances, I was dubbed non-committal, unable to be loyal.
And perhaps not surprisingly either, when I coach clients now of various ages, the biggest ailment I address is helping to release them from the gnawing grip of when is enough, enough?
The truth is that not everything broken is meant to be fixed.
Not every problem is yours to solve.
So if we’re going to preach “fall 7 times, get up 8,” we should include that after dusting yourself off, you should consider what keeps causing you to fall.
And if there’s a path that’s easier, one that doesn’t require white-knuckling or a mindset where you have no choice but to endure….
…then finding the courage to take it might just be the best thing your resilient self can do.
