With Humility

All,

Historically throughout my life, Fridays have served as the ultimate grind of my week, as I ensure I check off as many boxes as possible to officially “earn” some downtime over the weekend.

It’s a distorted mindset and one my rational brain knows does not actually serve me, but this past Friday I was reminded of that with a vengeance. Because as I flew through my “to-do” list, paying particular attention to detoxing my inbox of its contents, I responded to one message in haste with a derogatory comment about a person discussed in the chain.  

And I hit reply all.

The person I referenced – who I respect whole-heartedly – was on the email. As were several others, who were now staring at an inside glimpse into my strung-out, exhausted, filter-free self.

Upon being alerted to my blunder by someone else on the email, I froze and immediately switched into damage control mode. There were multiple people who needed to be addressed, but none more important than the person on the receiving end of my insult. 

So I picked up the phone and I called her. And despite the temptation to spin the situation in a way that made me look more favorable, I said the words that have become so trite in our language despite them holding undeniable power:

I’m sorry.

I told her I had no excuse. That I was tired, moving too quickly, and didn’t even mean the comment I said, because my fried brain generated a poor choice of words as my fingers rammed the keyboard. 

She listened.

And then I told that while I shouldn’t have needed this mishap to prompt me to do so, I wanted to tell her how much she was appreciated. Because she is. 

She thanked me. And then we laughed. And then we stayed on the phone for twenty minutes, catching up, talking about things that really mattered.

When I got off the phone I felt 10lbs lighter and it wasn’t just because the issue had been resolved. It was because in my past, a situation like that would have paralyzed me due to my perceived failure. I would have ruminated on it and found a way to “punish” myself, depriving myself of fun or something relaxing in the days to come.

But instead I felt refreshed. Like the whole experience had been therapeutic.

Because it felt damn good to admit that I was human. 

In fact, it was one of the most productive Fridays I’ve had in a really long time.

So this week, let’s all bask in our humility. We talk so much about expressing gratitude, but what about saying “I’m sorry”?

And while we’re at it, what about forgiving ourselves?

Wishing you a day of being a #workinprogress.

-Suzanne